Femme Fatales
by httydmaximus
Summary: right after the ending of the second movie. Valka is having a hard time adjusting to life with humans. And it doesn't help that things have changed A LOT. Will she adjust or will Valka and Astrid settle this like shield maidens? read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Femme Fatales**

**I do not own how to train your dragon or anything related. This is my first fanfic in a long time to any help or ideas would be nice. Thank you and enjoy.**

**Not for sale for profit only self gratification.**

** " This is only the second day in the past 18 years that I've spent around humans" Valka says to Tipsy (Astrid's mother). "Three if you count the day I found my son on the back of a Night Furry. And things have changed a lot in the past 18 years. Not just the peace between vikings and dragons, but the openness of the this younger generation is very... odd. The way Hiccup and Astrid kissed right after the battle would have been considered permiscuious not 18 years ago."**

"**Well those two have been changing this village, hopefully for the better. Whoops, can you grab that soap" Tipsy says as she losses her grip on the laundry soap. Valka scoops the bar out of the river and tosses it back to Tipsy.**

"**And yet the whole village laughed and giggled with a mix of pride, envy, and jealousy. So to say the past three days have been unnerving for me would be an understatement." **

" **I think your just going thru a bit of a culture shock. You may be from this tribe but you have spent along time away from it." Tipsy said trying to console her old friend. " But I'm sure it will get easier with time." Valka nods in understanding. "And I'm glad you could come help me on wash day" trying to change the subject. "usually Astrid helps me but with all of the clean up after the battle, she's been to busy to help with her normal chores."**

**A little confused Valka says "That seems a little rude, as the woman of the house she should be doing the laundry for the entire Haddock Hall."**

"**Hahahahaha...oh oh oh Thor...ha ha ha ha..." Tipsy laughs deep and hard as she gasping for air."**

**Still confused Valka ask "Whats so funny? Does she normally skip out on her duties?"**

**Tipsy finally catching her breath "Astrid is still a Hofferson. Her and Hiccup have yet to marry. They are not even promised yet. Tho everyone in the village knows that those two have claimed each other just not officially yet." **

"**WHAT!" Valka blushes "They have been sharing the same room. I I I know that you have been at the haddock hall while your hall was rebuilt. But I thought they were married. All of her stuff was already over there and and were sharing a room." her blush deepens "They should be married before any of this. What ….What if Astrid comes with child?"**

" **Calm down, they have been sharing a room for almost 2 years now. After the screaming death destroyed the Hofferson hall the last time. And Stoick offered my clan a place to stay. And after it was time to move back in to the Hofferson hall, it just didn't seem right to separate them. Besides the Hofferson was a little cramped with me, my husband, and our 3 sons, at the time, were staying there."**

"**But this is against tradition."**

"**Yea but they always have done things their own way." Tipsy smirks "You can't stop them, especially Hiccup. Stoick tried for years to get Hiccup to just be a Viking. But NOOOOO, the harder Stoick tried the more damage Hiccup seemed to do to the village. I remember this one time when Hiccup burnt down half the village in a dragon raid. He seriously did more damage then the dragons."**

"**It sounds as tho my son was a nuisance" Valka almost in a whisper.**

"**Well he wasn't called Hiccup the Useless for nothing. But that was before he became Hiccup the Hero, Hiccup the Red Death Slayer, or his favorite Hiccup the Dragon Master." Tipsy said with a smile.**

"**Red Death?" Valka said confused.**

"**oh right, It was an alpha dragon, not like Drago's but just as big and a flier. I think it was a boulder class. Well anyways Stoick had lead the entire village to destroy the nest. And forcing toothless to show him the way. Once we get there a huge dragon burst forth from with in the mountain."**

"**What did Stoick do?" now very interested in the story.**

"**He had Spitlout lead everyone to the far side of the island. While he and Gobber charged the giant beast like a couple of crazy ants."**

"**Where was hiccup?"**

"**I'm just getting there, Now stop interrupting me. Anyways right when Red Death was about smash Stoick and Gobber, Hiccup and all of the other youths come flying in on dragons. And the start blasting the beast. Somehow hiccup managed to get Toothless back, and those two took on the beast all alone." tipsy bears a huge grin. " It was a fight that the gods would have been envious of. That's the day hiccup went from being useless to hero."**

"**So you are saying that's when hiccup and Astrid got together?"**

"**aaaahhhh...yea It started around then, but it wasn't too much longer before those two where an item. And everyone was betting on when they would be married. Of course no one has one so far. And everything there seems to be a new development the betting picks back up." laughing to herself.**

" **I'm so glad you find this funny. I feel like I am being dishonored here." Valka takes a deep breath. "Now I don't mean you any disrespect but it sounds to me that Astrid is just a title chaser. Using her good looks to move up in her status."**

**Tipsy's expression hardens. "... Valka you were my childhood friend. So I'm only going to over look that this one time. And I think we are finished with the laundry for the day."**

**Valka looks at the half finished pile of clothes. "Yea I believe we are." she stands up and starts to head for Haddock Hall. Why did I say that. She asks herself. Now I just lost an old friend. But why haven't they married yet? Could there be a problem? It's not like Hiccup couldn't afford the bride's price. So then why not? Does he think the same thing? Is he worried that she's a title chaser? I have to find out. I have to find Hiccup.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A Bad Day

Astrid's POV

very stiff and sore Astrid forces herself up and out of bed. The past couple of days following the battle have been full of hard manual labor. Cleaning debris and rebuilding homes from sun rise to sun set, constant working of muscles. I enjoyed the work but the long days were starting to get to take there toll. The biggest problem is never getting to see Hiccup anymore. He is always gone before I wake up and doesn't return till after I fall asleep. She washes her face forcing herself to wake up, and starts to get dressed. Today is going to be different, today I am going to make time to spend with Hiccup. She wants to tell him that she is ready. That she is willing to put up her shield and her ax. To help Hiccup like a wife and not just a soldier. But she wants the timing to be right. She finishes getting dressed and tugs on her boots, the heads down the stairs. Valka is already gone, remembering something about helping Tipsy on wash day. Wow already wash day, maybe there will be time today to spend with Hiccup. She had seen the breakfast that Valka left and avoided it like a wild monstrous nightmare. All of Gobber's stories about Valka's cooking were true and she didn't want a repeat of that first meal, that left her sick all day. I think stormfly is still mad at me, even tho I spent extra hour polishing her scales. She headed towards the front door. Stopping in front of the her ax hanging by the door. She reaches for it then stops. She will leave it here today. She left the Haddock hall without her ax and with out her shield and a weight seemed to lift off her shoulders. It felt good better then she ever thought it would. She was now ready to start her new life and she was ready to let the whole world know.

After leaving Haddock Hall she first went to the stables to visit stormfly. To make sure that she was feed, polished and talons sharpened. Nadders are obsessed with looking good. Once she was done she put the saddle on stormfly, it was yet another new saddle. Made for her by hiccup, and given to her the week before the last dragon race. This saddle had fur and padding on both the top and bottom to give both stormfly and Astrid better shock absorption as Astrid often jumped to and from stormfly in mid air. It made a big difference in the race. Astrid felt like she was jumping onto her bed and stormfly didn't seem to notice the impacts of Astrids return jumps. Just another reason she loved that man. She hoped onto stormfly and they race out to the great hall.

She had seen Hiccup as soon as reached the steps of the great hall.

"Good mourning, Hiccup!" she says with every ounce of enthusiasm as she could manage. With was a lot considering who she was talking to.

"Good morning milady" Hiccup replies not even looking up from the parchment in his hands. No doubtfully the long list of things that needed to be done for the day. A sort of honey do list but from all of Bert and not just one significant other. " I need you to help with the debris on the cliff. I want it cleared as soon as possible. So that we can rebuilt the docks and walk ways." still not looking up.

Is he even going to look up and if he does will he even notice the lack of an ax? ".. sure, but first can I have a word with you. Maybe over breakfast? " Astrid asks taking a hold of Hiccup's free hand.

He finally looks at her and smiles that smile that always seems to melt her insides. She never knew she could even feel like that until Hiccup became a more prominent part of her everyday life. " so you avoided the cooking as well?" they both laughed. " lets go now, I got a min." they walked together towards the great hall.

"Hiccup, HICCUP" Gobber yells. "Hold on a minute I need your help."

Hiccup stops and looks towards Astrid. "Go on ahead ill be just a min." he then turns to Gobber.

Astrid goes inside and fixes them both plates of food. And sits down at their usual table, not the chiefs table but the on they often used since the days of the dragon training academy. It was sad to see it get closed up but with most of the founding members busy trying to find their way into the adult word. After a few minutes Hiccup walks in "ah thanks for making me a plate." but he doesn't sit down, instead he shovels the eggs into his mouth and puts the biscuits into his bag. "I got to go, Gobber needs my help."

"but Hiccup, I need to talk to you about something." Astrid says slightly annoyed.

"We can talk at lunch, OK." he leans over and kisses Astrid. It felt good and she didn't want it to end. But after a few moments he pulled away turn and then left the great hall.

Astrid quickly finishes her breakfast and leaves for the docks to help with the clean up down there.

After a few hours I head back to the great hall. I walk in and look for Hiccup, but he is no where to be seen. I did see Gobber so I decide to find out of things went this morning.

"Hey Gobber, Have you seen Hiccup?"

Gobber looks up from his plate " aye lass, he had to go check up on the statue. They seem to be having a problem with the beard."

Frowning a little I ask "Did he at least get something to eat?"

"No, He hasn't been in here yet. That boy would forget his head if it wasn't attached." he said as he smiled a little. And wondering if he should have made the joke about the leg instead.

"Thanks Gobber." I walk away, pack two meals to go, and head outside. Once outside I call for stormfly and hope onto her saddle. "OK girl lets go find Hiccup." Stormfly squawks in acknowledgment and takes off into the sky. We quickly reach the knew statue being erected in Stoick's Honor, and fond Hiccup leaning over the designs placed over a large boulder " Hiccup" I call "I brought you some food."

Hiccup looks up and smiles" Thank you milady" and gives me a quick kiss as I walk up to the boulder He takes a plate. " oh I'm soooo glade you brought me this food. I was beginning to wonder if I would be able to go get lunch at all."

"Always here to help. Now do you have a second? I need to talk to you." I'm so anxious that I'm piratically shoveling in my meal.

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" Hiccup ask as he is pursuing the designs again.

"Not here Hiccup, lets go so that we can be alone."

"Alone?" He raises an eyebrow suggestively. He has been spending way to much time with Gobber.

"Not like that. It's just something that's private." I try to assure him.

He's eyes widened "Your not...not.. um I mean are you pregnant?" he say's in a hushed voice. We have been in a intimate relationship for the past two years. We have been lucky so far, especially when I had forgotten to drink my tea a couple of times.

"No, No I'm not. But common lets go talk." I said quickly. Then garbing his arm and started to pull him away from peoples sight.

"HICCUP! PARTOFTHESTALESCOLLAPSEDANDSOMEJOUVINILE DRAGON ARE TRAPED!" Fishlegs comes running and screaming as fast as he could. And somehow Hiccup understood what Fishlegs had said.

"Astrid" he gives me those eyes that always make me melt. "Can this wait for supper?"

"As long as you promise to be there." I say feeling as tho Loki himself is playing with me, trying to amuse himself. Am I never going to get a chance to talk to Hiccup.

"See you later". He kisses me quickly and the runs off towards the stables with Fishlegs close behind.

I decide to get back to work so I call for stormfly and we head back towards the docks.

After what seemed forever it was finally supper time. And this time I found Hiccup waiting for me by the main doors to the great hall. He was looking positively drained from today. I hope what I have to tell him will make him feel better.

"Hey my little chief, are you ready for some supper?" I ask trying to be as cheerful as possible.

"Why hello milady, I am ready for some supper. And probably some mead to go along with it."

"You want mead? Who are you and what have you done with my Hiccup?"

"Well I finally think I understand why my dad drank so much. It helps relieve the headaches from dealing with other people's problems all day." he smirks and takes my hand leading me into the great hall. But just as we were passing thru the main doors.

"Hiccup! I need your help!" Eret said as he jumped of skullcrusher.

"OH NO, can this wait for tomorrow?" I said while wearing my hardest set in stone face I could muster.

" yea well I guess I could wait until tomorrow."

"then go now, this is my time to be with Hiccup." I stated my claim and pulled Hiccup inside the great hall. We head over to our usual table no one else is there yet. "perfect"

"what?" Hiccup asks

"We are alone finally". I force him down onto the bench and sit across his lap. "Now you can't go anywhere, and i'm pretty sure no one is stupid enough to interupt us like this." Finally he is all mine. Now I can show him my heart. I can show him that i'm ready to be his wife. That I am going to stand by him as his equal.

"hahaha OK, so what is it that you want to talk about?" he says with the biggest grin I have ever seen.

"well I don't know if you noticed but I have left my"

"WHAT IN GREAT ODIN'S GHOST ARE YOU DOING?" Valka screams across the great hall.

Great what now, I'm going to kill who ever it is that is pissing off Valka like that. But as I look around I am a little confused when I don't see who she is talking to. "Who are you talking to?"

Valka's face set into a deep scowl. "I don't frankly know, maybe it is the wench that has mounted the chief in the middle of the great hall!"

murmurs rush thru out the great hall. "Wench, WENCH! what gives you the right to call me a wench." I storm across the room and get right up in Valka's face, or because of our high difference her chest.

As she is glaring down at me she says "your right, I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it has to do with Hiccup being MY SON!"

"He might be your son but he is my boyfriend. And if I want to enjoy the only time of day I get to spend with him, I'm going to enjoy it." I say as I make a rude juster with my hips. Dam where did that come from. I have been spending waaaay tooo much time with Ruffnut.

"when I was your age, we enjoyed our men in the privacy of our own hall and only AFTER we were married".

Oh dear Thor if she only knew what she was interrupting. "oh, your nothing but an old shrew. And why are you all of a sudden worried about Hiccup?" this might be going to far but nobody calls me a wench and get off Scot free. "you rather live with dragons then"

Valka cuts me off. "Don't, Don't you dare finish that sentence"

I glare up at Valka with eyes that could piece a gronkles hide. "Then to raise your own son!" the entire Hall gasp in unison.

Hiccup walks up to us. It took a lot longer then I taught it would. He was probably to scared to step in between us. "MOM, ASTRID"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" we say in unison.

"why don't we settle this like vikings?" Valka says.

"Weapon of choice, no dragons, and in the town square." I reply.

"see you there in 20 minutes" Valka Shots me one last dirty look before walking towards the exit.


End file.
